Hope you're all hanging in there in these Covid days

 I am barely keeping it together. 

I'm ready to admit that I have a huge depression since this all began. Some of it is me being a baby about and some of it is legitimate. Now before anyone (who's actually reading this) jumps over me for saying depression may be related to being a baby about shit, please keep in mind that I'm talking about ME. MY DEPRESSION. Basically coming to grips that some things I won't I might not be able to have now, if not ever.

The other part is that as a single extrovert, being stuck in the house is not good. I'm probably getting 3/10 of the social interaction I need to stay sane and 1/10 of what I'd need to be "happy". It doesn't help that I'm unemployed. Plus, most of the people I know are introverts who still have jobs and still get plenty of social interaction through their work meetings. That's great for them, but I, however, am lonely. Things were getting better for a bit when my gym opened back up. It was at least one hour a day I could go out, get some exercise in and see and interact with other people.

I won't lie and say this loneliness is a new thing for me, but in the past I had plenty of other things to do to cover it up. I had a corporate job to throw myself in to and I had travel. Since none of those have been at my disposal since spending last new year's in Ghana, I've been left to languish alone with my lonely thoughts and emotions. 

Let's just say I'm not the best with processing emotions. A large part of it stems from my childhood where I wasn't really allowed to have emotions. If I were sad then I was told I didn't have a right to be, my grandmother had real problems. If I were happy I was told I didn't have a right to be because whatever I was happy about was due to the hard work of my grandmother and not from me. In fact, the only emotion I somewhat go away with displaying was anger. Luckily I got over a bulk of my anger issues by my mid-20s and learned better ways to express it as well as no longer letting certain things get me angry in the first place.

All that block of text to put in to words why I haven't been writing for the past few months.All that to say that I probably need to develop some discipline and just get used to writing a bit, something, even if it's a little, every day; the same as I take a shower or brush my teeth every day.